love

Trust Issues

When I say I got trust issues

I mean every time I look into your eyes i think about the millions ways you’re going to betray me

When I say “it’s nothing important ”

I mean I can’t tell you how sad I am and how terrible I feel about lying

When I say ” I am trying ”

I mean I want to open and say it all but I can’t because I don’t want to…but maybe I do but I can’t because I’m scared about getting hurt like every other time 

When I tell you”it’s not you it’s me”
I mean it’s not your fault I can’t trust you but nor is it mine…..but I still can’t because I’m scared , I’m scared because I’m vulnerable … vulnerable enough to block you out

When I say “I’m not hurt ”

I mean you don’t understand how hard it is for me to tell you how I feel , how hard it is for me to let you in !

When I tell you ” I’m fine ”

I mean I am hurt but I can’t trust you enough to tell you and hence I act nonchalant 

When I say “I know it’s over and it’s okay”

I mean this is history and I’m hurt but not surprised because the day I met you with all the butterflies in my stomach and stars in my eyes I still wondered about how this will end

When I say “I’m gonna be okay ”

I mean I’ll cry and you’ll never know . I’ll overthink and I’ll cry a little more and tell myself that I’ll never be able to do it again .

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love

Lust

Isn’t it disgusting how we cheat on people just for a few moments of pleasure?

How we forget about all the things ,all the emotions for the sake of lust ?

How cloudy does list make us ?

Enough to break hearts and all the trust?

love

Why do we meet temporary people?

Cross paths meet at crossroads 

for a short span of time and play pretend?pretend to be everything that  we aren’t?why ?
The more temporary people we meet

 the more time we waste searching for stars that aren’t there.
Can’t we just skip the chase?maybe  curse these crossroads for all of this .

love

In search of something I lost ages ago

I kept fighting with myself 

I kept losing a little piece of myself 

In search of you I lost myself 

Sometimes I still wonder was it all worth it ?

love

Sinking Heart

“Do you wanna play poker?”

I turned around and there he was in all his glory wearing just the boxers. Oh god why can’t he just put on some shirt tho view was too enticing for me

“Do you ?”he repeated, why is he beaming?

“Well, I’m kinda working “I told him 

“You aren’t working you’re writing..so what are you writing about ? “Ahhh why so curious already !

“It’s about the sinking heart syndrome “I said sheepishly 

“Oh god don’t tell me you believe in all this ,there is nothing as ‘sinking heart’ it’s impossible for heart to sink like literally !” He said laughing 

“Come on! Don’t be a hypocrite now we have all had in some form…you can actually feel it you know when you see someone or something and it hits you so hard you can feel you’re heart go down..wait sometimes when we finally accept something and it makes our heart sink , you can physically feel it!” I tried explaining and he kept laughing .What a douche!why the hell do I even keep up with him.

“Did you get your heart broken?” He was all serious , all business type now and this can’t be good. 

“No I haven’t. Why are you asking that?I don’t need 1st hand experience to understand what it feels like.” This is why I hate arguing so much!            

 “You know what …soon you will and it’ll be all your nightmares in one” he said coming close to me caging me with his hands on my desk resting right next to the armrests of my chair closing the distance between us he whispered in my ear” Trust me you will” and I froze looking deep into his eyes I realized… it was time and my heart sank .

I woke up all sweaty and scared…I checked my pulse and the clock 3:16 am..this was fourth time in a week this has happened maybe this is a reminder that I need to run before I’m out of time

love

God?Reaper?

She looked like an angel, my angel, and I couldn’t stop staring at her face. It’s been two days and she hasn’t woken up and it’s my fault. 

I touched her hand and it was so cold and so pale…. a single tear slipped my eye, it’s all my fault my fucking mistake that she’s here.

“It’s not your mistake, it’s destiny.” said that same annoying voice. 

I turned around and there he was standing there tall. Moreover, the freak was smiling! Really smiling! 

“What the hell is your problem man? Why the hell can’t you leave me and my girl alone? Who the fuck do you think you are? God? Reaper?” 

The fucking bastard had the audacity to smile again! What on earth was wrong with this dipshit? Did I just crack a joke? He is freaking sick!

“Sammy…oh poor little Sammy…you’re still holding onto her like a coward you are? Aren’t you? Let her go.” He said.

“You sick jerk just leave me the fuck alone and don’t you ever call me Sammy!” I shouted at him. I hated his guts.

“I am whoever you want me to be…God. Reaper Karma. Or death. And all of the above.” As he came forward smirking like a maniac I saw his horns for the very first time.

“It’s over you are dead.” *Boom* it hit me what had just happened. “Now leave her alone, she is alive and breathing and let her live. Also stop crying about how much you love her and how she will be yours forever and blah blah! It’s hurting my ears.” 

I turned around and walked up to him full of rage. Noticing his prominent moustache for the first time I clenched my fists and ground my teeth. Nose to nose, that’s how close we were, and one punch was all I needed to knock this jerk out. Of course, he continued smiling like a madman. 

“Anger doesn’t suit you Sammy, it’s ugly just like that dead heart of yours.”

I snapped. I tried to raise my wrists to deliver a deadly punch but I just couldn’t move, not even an inch. It was like I lost all neuromuscular control over my body. Who the hell was he?

“I’m everything you could ever imagine. I wish I could tell you…but for now I’m going, and you my friend are coming with me to hell. That’s where you belong and now leave the little girl alone, let her live and love again! She will be happy without you.” I stood still…hearing him voice out my worst fear was my undoing and I couldn’t stop the tears any more so I cried, cried like a fucking baby. 

I cried for her, for myself and for all that we lost. She was my forever, my redemption and my reason to start over.

“We are getting late now are you done crying ?”

“I want another minute with her.” I got up and sat next to her holding her hand I asked again “Just a minute that’s all I want.”

“You know crying is a waste of time but you my fella need it take the minute. Cry all you want because it will be the last time. Your time starts now.” he said and vanished in the air .

I clung to her, hugged her and felt her heart beat for one last time. 

“You’re my forever and I promise I’ll be back for you maybe in another realm but I will . Now I want you to listen to me for once and just promise me you’ll be happy that’s all I want .”I said to her sleeping form and somehow I knew she could listen .

Getting up from the chair I heard the clock stop and as the darkness engulfed me I bid my love goodbye.

As I got up to leave I turned around and asked the tall horned man “Why hell though?”


love

“No!No!you don’t” I chanted like a maniac.

“You need to listen!trust me this time it won’t…..” he said while switching off the cellar lights

“People like you serve as a constant reminder to why I’ve had trust issues ” I cut him midway

“Every time I look at you it reminds me how bitter can betrayal taste and how you can never soothe the burn away” I said .

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“You’re fine don’t worry just give it rest” the nurse repeated while handing me the prescription

I looked at my wrist and gave it a slight twist ‘Fuck !it is still raw’ how the hell am I supposed to drive a 100 miles?